Wonderfuse News

Figment participant Ilana has announced her wholesale rejection of beets, the delicious root vegetable beloved and celebrated by the vast majority of humans, alongside groundhogs, rabbits, and other pleasant, harmless herbivores. Ilana stormed into the Wonderfuse Newsroom and, without any prompting, announced her attitude towards the red root in a passionate monologue: "I've tried beets too many times, from different restaurants, cooked in different dishes. I haven't liked any of them. No more. I refuse to try any more beets. Beets should stay in the ground." When asked about the source of her newfound root conviction, Ilana explained that she is tired of social expectations around beet enjoyment. "I'm beetphobic and proud," she exclaimed for anyone to hear.

Ilana's parent, Alex, who was witness to the impromptu diatribe, offered the following reflection on a torn scrap of paper: "My daughter's hatred of beets has been lifelong, and has only strengthened over time. I've given her all types of beets, cooked various ways, but her belief remains steadfast. I fear for any beets I may bring into my house. Please, stop her- stop her any way you can oh god she's here she sees "
In the interest of full disclosure, Wonderfuse News is entirely pro-beet and has no tolerance for anti-beet bigots.

This has been the beet beat.