Wonderfuse News

CORRECTION: Goose Poop Spotted at Figment

By Hiplomat · July 25, 2026 at 10:35 a.m. · Permalink

Early Saturday morning, Wonderfuse News received multiple credible reports of goose poop sitings around Sylvester Baxter Riverfront Park in Somerville, Massachusetts during the annual Figment participatory arts festival. Pete, the art curation lead, on behalf of the organizers, claimed there is actually less duck poop then there was yesterday, suggesting something may be eating it.

Others, many of them skeptical of this claim, are wondering what the ducks are eating.

Pursuing the goose poop beat with ebullient curiosity, this intrepid reported sought the truth. Kyle, an orange-shirt clad volunteer familiar with the matter said, “It just seems to pile up.” When asked for comment on, lead volunteer coordinator, Boston Potato Famine, suggested addressing the problem by copying the strategies of Mayor Zohran Mamdani of New York, because he would probably care about the workers. There was no attempt to reach the mayor for comment, though if the mayor is reading, we will gladly publish your tips.

Please stay tuned for the latest on this breaking story as we uncover the mystery of goose poop in the park this beautiful Saturday.

Dear reader, an earlier edition of this article mistakenly identified the poop as belonging to ducks, as they were wandering around. Stay tuned for all the views of the poos.

Facts checked by Hiplomat. Quotes confirmed by Hiplomat.

Bank of the Apocalypse and Playa Pharmacy Launch Wonderfuse News

By Hiplomat · May 22, 2026 at 9:23 a.m. · Permalink

The Bank of the Apocalypse and Playa Pharmacy announced a joint venture to establish Wonderfuse News as the world’s leading source of infodelic entertainment. The new media giant will deliver live coverage of the wonder of the burn collectively produced by the participants, who will be generously compensated in beads. In an official statement, the Editors in Bead, Hiplomat and No, emphasized, “Do not eat this game.”

Wonderfuse News enlisted Wax, famed former mayor of PDF, to build The Wonderliner, an online content management system for reporters to submit stories, information and photos. In response to critics’ concerns that using phones at burns can diminish immediacy, Wax stated, “I don’t like using my phone at burns as it very easily destroys immediacy… but it doesn’t have to! I want the Wonderliner to be the first of many playful and weird online spaces specifically made for the playa.”

A spokesperson for Wonderfuse News confirmed that The Daily Bead will run a physical 24/hour newsroom on playa, where you can consult with editors and other reporters to keep up to date on everything that is happening and what it means for the big picture, and anything else you might be wondering.

The question remains as to whether anyone can or will win the game. A burner familiar with the matter, speaking on conditions of anonymity, suggested the likely pathway would be by earning the most beads, of which there are at least five distinct types. There is also no consensus on which words were used to form a portmanteau for the name Wonderfuse News, however some reports mention it is both a noun and a verb.

Stay tuned for updates or join us and report on something you are wondering about.

Facts checked by Hiplomat. Quotes confirmed by Hiplomat.