Wonderfuse News

While enjoying a rafting excursion in the pond, Alpha attendees Otto and Arlo witnessed what appeared to be a very large fish that surfaced briefly, surprising them both. "It was huge!" Otto said as he sketched out a drawing of the fish, noting a banana beside the fish for scale. Arlo confirmed the report, suggesting the fish they witnessed may be the largest of all fish.  Wonderfuse News research has determined that neither Otto nor Arlo have any formal training in ichthyology, and their reports should be taken with a grain of salt, a twist of lemon, and a sprig of thyme. 

Lore Capsule is a recurring Wonderfuse News feature investigating Alpha lore.

Wonderfuse News can confirm details of a fondly remembered incident from 2010 where Robzilla scored with a septugenarian. According to multiple eye witness accounts, Robzilla emerged from a geodesic dome fully naked, revealing a body that one witness described as "chiseled from marble". Following shortly after Robzilla was a woman in her 70s. According to multiple eye witness accounts, Robzilla was quoted as saying "If a young person slept with me when I am old, I would feel blessed. I just blessed that woman."

Wonderfuse News will continue to report on this story as it develops. 

Soviet-era memes have seen a resurgence at Alpha. Wonderfuse News has received numerous tips that Lenin was a mushroom, which is the common name for the fruiting body of a fungal organism. Upon rigorous research, we have confirmed that "Lenin was a mushroom" was a common meme from the early 90s, remembered fondly by elder millennials and their parents.

See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lenin_was_a_mushroom

Construction of the Alphagy came to a grinding stop due to challenges with assembly line workers transporting logs from a pile about 50 feet away from the structure, which is allegedly intended to burn as part of a ritualistic collective experience. Some workers called for unionization, citing safety concerns, lack of pay and unclear direction. Construction resumed after about thirty seconds and more workers arrived on the scene shortly thereafter.

Wonderfuse News is retracting details of a major recent story involving Hannah and Arlo three years ago. Arlo confirms that the story is false on all counts and that he is innocent of the alleged incident. Wonderfuse News has obtained documented evidence of Arlo's mother, the primary source for previous reporting, wallowing in a state of sorrow and despair for having spread these malicious lies. 

Breaking news! Young Cosmo was found crying after slicing his finger on an 11 inch cleaver at the lemonade stand, then handling lemons.

New details emerge about the headquarters for the Kids Rebellion, a secret underground society of children whose membership and operations remain mysterious. Wonderfuse News is the first to report on some very interesting tools and shelter used by the Kids Rebellion. According to the leader of the group who wishes to remain anonymous, the Kids Rebellion has a super cool fort that requires some climbing to reach. One kid affiliated with the rebellion, Sagan, confirms that an old catapult is nearby that the kids are trying to fix up. Key facts of this story were independently verified by Wonerfuse News reporters.

Stay tuned for more!

Legal representatives from the Bank of the Apocalypse issued a strongly worded letter to the Fire Pony Creative Society accusing Mayor of PDF, Wax, of attempting to influence the bead-based economy and circumvent financial regulations designed to ensure kids find it extremely hard to win the game Apocalypse Bead Feats. The Bank alleged the mayor furnished Phoenix the Collector, already the reigning champion, with a signed official letter requesting the Bank to release a bonus bead required to claim another victory even though such a bead can only legally be released by the Biome Steward. However, thanks to rigorous internal controls, the attempt was unsuccessful and Phoenix had to win the game legitimately by securing the bead from the appropriate authority. The mayor denied the allegation of corruption, claiming that the it didn't count because it didn't work. The Bank's representatives disclosed that progress had been made to settle the dispute amicably given the attempted wise-cracketeering fell short, but warned that the Bank of the Apocalypse was an incorruptible bank that could literally print money to pay for lawyers in the event of a protracted dispute.